


It's (Not) All About Me

by The_Wonderful_Jinx



Category: The Black Tapes Podcast
Genre: 1x07 spoilers, F/M, Gen, Jealousy, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, strand is thirsty but what else is new?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-15 07:07:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5776219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Wonderful_Jinx/pseuds/The_Wonderful_Jinx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He does it merely to sate his curiosity, to satisfy the constant questions that run through his head like “What was she thinking?” and “What was she thinking of me?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's (Not) All About Me

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by an anon and comment fic on tumblr.

Like hell he would admit it -even if he was held at gunpoint by Melissa, Ruby, and Jenna- but he does listen to Alex’s podcast. To him, logically, it’s the polite thing to do. It’s not like he _enjoys_ hearing her voice. He does it merely to sate his curiosity, to satisfy the constant questions that run through his head like, “What was she thinking?” and “What was she thinking of _me_?” His gut doesn't twist whenever she references him, his work, or his past. His heartbeat doesn't race whenever she criticizes him. And he most definitely doesn't get butterflies when he hears her praise him or pay him a compliment. 

He’s in his apartment in Seattle, making himself a cup of tea to aid another late night session of writing when his heart stops at the following lines.

_“He’s tall, almost as tall as Strand himself, and he walks carefully as if he’s perpetually looking for lost keys.”_

His hands shake. His heart beat quickens at an inhuman rate. His free hand curls into a fist, his nails dig so deep into his palm he swears he can feel blood. 

_“But the thing I found most striking were his eyes, even when he wasn’t smiling his eyes made you feel like he was.”_

He sets the cup down on the table,  _slams_ it down to be precise, splattering tea on a nearby stack of notes and getting the hot drink on his hand. He ignores the pain, all he sees is red but he lets the audio play on.

_“But there was definitely something seductive about the man himself.”_

A scream gets stuck in his throat, waiting for his mouth to open so it may to be released into the too quiet space. But he swallows it down instead, not wanting to earn the ire of the other guests. He merely rubs his eyes and closes his laptop, treating it more gently than the cup. Cups he can replace with ease, expensive laptops and the information stored in the hard drive, not so much. And he would loathe losing such precious data in a fit of rage. 

He abandons work for the night, instead he decides to go to bed early, something Alex always tells him when she finds him working while they’re on the road. But he doesn’t fall asleep immediately, more specifically, he _cannot_ sleep. All through the restless night, he thinks of Alex. He thinks of Tannis. He thinks of their walk in the woods. 

He lies on his stomach and burrows his face into the cool side of the pillow, trying to get comfortable. 

He thinks of how _nice_ she sounded when conversing with Tannis, her usual charming and polite self coming out despite Tannis spouting his usual, _obvious_ bullshit. He thinks it should have been _him_ walking with her then, not Tannis. 

He lifts himself up, flips the pillow and rests on his side.

He wonders why she’s wasting her time with people like Tannis. He thinks of the things that are said off-air. And every time he does think of those unsaid things, those little secrets Alex keeps from him, his blood gets a little more warmer, his thoughts a little more violent, and the words he wants to say to the faux-psychic more pointed and harsh: less “charlatan” and more “fucking, conniving bastard”. 

 _'You’re jealous.'_ sings a voice inside his head that he is more than familiar with. It has many names, buy he simply calls it what it accuses him of, Jealousy. 

His fingers dig into the blankets as he squeezes his eye in an attempt to shake that thought of his head. It merely claws at his brain like a kneading cat, refusing to let go. 

_'You’re jealous. You’re jealous. You’re jealous._

“No I’m not.” he hisses.

_'You’re jealous and don’t you dare deny it. You might have a couple degrees and few gray hairs and loads of money to throw around at this little hobby of yours, but you’re not above base emotions and human nature. You’re not above me. You -with your psychology degree- should know that all too well. '_

“It’s childish." He said to the voice. "This is all childish. She’s a grown woman and a reporter. She has to consult other sources-”

_'Even when they are not you. Even when they’re someone you despise and decry a hack. She can’t-'_

“Rely on me forever.”

_'Oh I bet that thought stings doesn’t it? Once the mystery ends, once she has you figured all out Mr. Know It All, she’s going leave you for the next big story. '_

Strand shudders at the thought of being left again, of watching another person walk away from his life with nothing he could do to stop them from slipping away. And what was worse, she wouldn’t be gone forever. She would live forever with her podcast and any other works she published once she was done with Strand. 

_'Who knows, maybe she might team up with Mr. Tannis Braun when this is all over.'_

Strand feels cold, as though all the blood has been in his body. He finally falls asleep, but that final thought haunts his dreams. When he wakes up, all he can remember from his nightmares is a smiling Alex and smug looking Tannis Braun, side by side, hand in hand. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! The original fic had so many errors in it that it made me sick, so I decided to fix it up and post it here. Let me know what you think and if there are any errors and OOC-ness!


End file.
